Greetings ladies and gentleman, this is a personal manifesto stating the main points of my own variety of Anarcho-Dandyism. Please state your opinions on the matter and I will then decide whether or not to send the document to major politicians and public figures inside and outside my country. Thank you kindly in advance.
1 Facilitate the re-introduction of Tweed back into the fabric of society. Tweed is both suave and practical. This empirical fact must be made known to the general public via large scale advertising campaigns. All government employees must wear Tweed. Special allowances to be made for emergency workers until fire and bulletproof Tweed is developed by the nation’s Tweed clad boffins.
2 Encourage the popular appraisal of facial hair. This includes, but is not limited to the moustache, mutton chops, goatee and fu manchu. All government employees are to cultivate orderly facial hair, moustache and beard grooming classes are to be instituted across all public schools. Special allowances to be made for women. Those lacking in masculinity to be supplied with government funded testosterone treatment plans.
3 Foster the consumption and appreciation of Gin. Gin is good for the soul and the intellect, and can turn even the most morose of boors into social marigolds. Gin is to be encouraged within all government workplaces, this applies especially to diplomats, ambassadors and ministers. Special allowances to be made for operators of heavy machinery. Teetotallers, especially those of a religious persuasion, must be informed of the error of their ways via well-dressed gin ambassadors at half past seven in the morning every Saturday.
4 Suitable hats to be made compulsory. Where once the hat was a tool of oppression, demarcating class distinction, it is now to be a tool to express personal flair and ward off skin damage. Government employees are to wear black bowlers with a white ribbon. The wearing of top hats, flat caps, berets and tricornes to be encouraged via large scale advertising campaigns.
5 Every Monday to be a public holiday. Monday is a beastly day. Let us nullify its effects.
6 All government places of employment, including but not limited to schools and parliament to start and finish later. A civilised human being does not wake before noon and is not seen before dusk. Nothing good happens before six o’clock pm. Special allowances to be made for emergency workers and the elderly.
7 The government must stop taking everything so seriously, including of course this manifesto. Life is a joke, and one only lives once. Therefore one must endeavour to live one’s life in a good spirits and humour. We are all comrades, united in the struggle against life’s daily and sometimes extra-ordinary hardships. When an individual is in strife, it’s rather a bother to us all, and the decent thing to do is to help that individual to the best of one’s own abilities. Let there be no more insulation. Let there be no more existential despair. Crush the crass dictatorship and let us languish together in a gin soaked, tweed clad utopia.