The Nabiac Midnight

The Nabiac Midnight is a bastard of a drink. Spawned in a drunken flight of fancy on a far flung rural property from a collection of the few liquids available, as far as cocktails go, this example is fairly ordinary. However, given the manner of its inception, its limited success is something to be lauded. Hence my publication and broadcast of it to the world. Ingredients and instructions are as follows.

1. Quarter glass of white coconut rum

2. Two nips of bourbon

3. Three quarter glass of carbonated cola.

Serve preferably chilled in a cocktail goblet.

The rum provides a sweetener that would be sickly, if not for the strong, mullifying, spiritual hand of the bourbon, reining in the rum’s dramatic excesses, and adding it’s own subtle nudge to the throat. The carbonated cola provides the mellow, lackadaisacal body of the drink, the extra-martial bed upon which the two liqours entwine. Do try it.

On Mortality

Whilst the rejoinder of one’s individual consciousness with the greater universe may prompt a sense of fear and disquiet there is no inherent and objective reason why this should be so.

Followers of determinism may draw solace from the belief that the infinitely complex sequence of events occurring before the fact, make the fact itself, both broadly speaking and within its specific frame of reference, inevitable. This is by no means without merit.

Followers of particular faith or theology may well draw a similar sense of comfort in the belief that there may in fact be a wonderful, comfortable and eternal chair resting in some supernatural realm, whereupon they can enjoy a serene and restful view of creation. Perhaps there may be a wise bearded fellow about, or tall winged blonde women with large bosoms. What this worldview lacks in logic, it more than makes up for in optimism and sentimental appeal.

Now, permit me a little whimsical, rhetorical meta-phrasing, for it is at about this point in the response where one surely asks oneself “What is the best way to view the phenomenon of death through an anarcho-dandyist perspective?”, or in more vain if not precise terms “What would the good Audacious Barrington Huxley etc. advise under these circumstances?”

The answer to this question is diabolically simple. If one takes the famous assertion of Sally Bowles as gospel, namely that “life is a cabaret”, the deep murky intricacies of existence become crystal clear. The curtain call must be seen as inescapable, and to a degree fortunate, for the rigours of the stage doth tax us all. With this in mind, the focus now shifts.

What we most focus on is our life, which may or may not be under our control. To return briefly once more to the ideology of determinism, the concept of free will may be a dicey one. Whilst improvisation on stage may be possible with the marvellously wonderful piece of chemical biology that is our brain, it is more than possible that all of our actions and dialogue may in fact be running to the script of a particularly pedantic playwright. Whether or not this is the case cannot at this stage be known, but regardless of facts, the impression that we are in fact agents of our own destiny does in fact impart one with a certain hope and reassurance.

Once again, despite yet another gnawing existential assertion, we must still live our lives. Returning once again to the extended cabaret metaphor our raison d’etre must, all things considered, be to acquit ourselves well upon life’s stage. If there is any meaning in life it must be to sing the most beautiful song, finger a sweet melody, dance with grace and panache, to carve out the most stunning stage presence that one can, and play an integral role in the plot of the narrative that we have chosen to take up, before the stain curtains of eternity glide effortlessly across the lacquered floorboards of our Earth, and the applause of an adoring audience sees us off stage.

My Manifesto

Greetings ladies and gentleman, this is a personal manifesto stating the main points of my own variety of Anarcho-Dandyism. Please state your opinions on the matter and I will then decide whether or not to send the document to major politicians and public figures inside and outside my country. Thank you kindly in advance.

1 Facilitate the re-introduction of Tweed back into the fabric of society. Tweed is both suave and practical. This empirical fact must be made known to the general public via large scale advertising campaigns. All government employees must wear Tweed. Special allowances to be made for emergency workers until fire and bulletproof Tweed is developed by the nation’s Tweed clad boffins.

2 Encourage the popular appraisal of facial hair. This includes, but is not limited to the moustache, mutton chops, goatee and fu manchu. All government employees are to cultivate orderly facial hair, moustache and beard grooming classes are to be instituted across all public schools. Special allowances to be made for women. Those lacking in masculinity to be supplied with government funded testosterone treatment plans.

3 Foster the consumption and appreciation of Gin. Gin is good for the soul and the intellect, and can turn even the most morose of boors into social marigolds. Gin is to be encouraged within all government workplaces, this applies especially to diplomats, ambassadors and ministers. Special allowances to be made for operators of heavy machinery. Teetotallers, especially those of a religious persuasion, must be informed of the error of their ways via well-dressed gin ambassadors at half past seven in the morning every Saturday.

4 Suitable hats to be made compulsory. Where once the hat was a tool of oppression, demarcating class distinction, it is now to be a tool to express personal flair and ward off skin damage. Government employees are to wear black bowlers with a white ribbon. The wearing of top hats, flat caps, berets and tricornes to be encouraged via large scale advertising campaigns.

5 Every Monday to be a public holiday. Monday is a beastly day. Let us nullify its effects.

6 All government places of employment, including but not limited to schools and parliament to start and finish later. A civilised human being does not wake before noon and is not seen before dusk. Nothing good happens before six o’clock pm. Special allowances to be made for emergency workers and the elderly.

7 The government must stop taking everything so seriously, including of course this manifesto. Life is a joke, and one only lives once. Therefore one must endeavour to live one’s life in a good spirits and humour. We are all comrades, united in the struggle against life’s daily and sometimes extra-ordinary hardships. When an individual is in strife, it’s rather a bother to us all, and the decent thing to do is to help that individual to the best of one’s own abilities. Let there be no more insulation. Let there be no more existential despair. Crush the crass dictatorship and let us languish together in a gin soaked, tweed clad utopia.

At Last An Interactive Moustache Application!

At Last An Interactive Moustache Application!

There are several times in my life when I feel as if I have struck gold. As a gentleman I can tell you little of such exploits, but at last I have one such event that I can confidently share with you all.

An interactive moustache program, where you can trial the look of a particular style of facial hair before attempting the look yourself. By all means, have a fiddle, and do not neglect to investigate its inventor, a Lord Likely, who I am sure I shall be making acquaintance with quite shortly. Simply click on the photo to access the application, and click the link below for the main website.

The Case For Tweed

Tweed is the most noblest of fabrics, a cloth which without doubt should be given a special place in the constitution of any enlightened nation. Sadly no nations at the time of my writings have done such a thing, and furthermore the general population knows little of Tweed’s true power. In this short article I will now, in point form, attempt to make known the eldritch powers of Tweed, in an attempt to educate the public and lobby the various nations of the world to adopt it as their national fabric. However, unlike the Brothers Koch I have little in the way of capital and therefore doubt whether an astro-turfing operation shall be all too effective. I rely on you, the readership, to take my words and to fabricate a Tweed Revolution.

The Revolution Is Nigh. Time For a Closeup

1. Definition: Wikipedia, which is a certified religion in Belgium, defines Tweed as such: “Tweed is a made-up, rough, unfinished woollen fabric, of a soft, open, flexible texture, resembling cheviot or homespun, but more closely woven. It is made in either plain or twill weave and may have a check or herringbone pattern. Subdued, interesting colour effects (heather mixtures) are obtained by twisting together differently coloured woollen strands into a two- or three-ply yarn.”

If you can not immediately extract any meaning from the above paragraph and have a pressing engagement on the High Street that prevents thorough research, you are by no means alone. Put simply and concisely Tweed is much like a gentleman’s chin. It is both rough and symmetrical in shape, a jutting peak of virility. It is unfinished, yet simultaneously sophisticated, much like the dark shadow of stubble that sweeps over come tea-time. This analogy should prove useful in later life. Memorise it word for word and impress both your fellow chaps and prospective paramours once the heady aura of gin begins to cloud their more advanced faculties. Let us now look at its effects.

Sydney Cyclists With Dashing Tweed Cycle Through Sydney

Take Care! Trust Not This Roguish Bounder With His Spectacular Moustache and Devil-May-Care Grin!

2. In The Wilds: Tweed is excellent for the outdoors. Its primary and traditional purpose was as a garment in which a gentleman could stalk the withered northern moors in search of game, yet still retain a certain savoir-faire and panache should a lady and or gentleman chance upon him on some lonely path. Built to combat harsh conditions, Tweed coincidentally makes a perfect alternative to the crass, utilitarian horror that is lycra when a spot of cycling is in order. For the practical cyclist Tweed is a sturdy, rough fabric that provides valuable protection in the case of an accident, and also reduces road rage. A cyclist in Tweed is undoubtedly more pleasant to regard in the midst of peak hour traffic than an arrogant lycra-clad fool, whose very presence makes obvious one’s own physical detractions.

3. In The Social Jungle: Tweed was invented by the Scots, a proud people whose other forays into fashion have brought the world the rustic delight of kilts and woad. Tweed is therefore imbued with certain traits and characteristics, a peculiar Celtic je ne sais quoi. Tweed radiates a simple uncomplicated charm, coupled with the vague scent of mystery, that disarms opponents and attracts potential suitors, male or female, like wasps to the proverbial picnic. I learned of Tweed’s fantastic wiles first-hand a few weeks before the writing of this emeritus tract, but that is another tale, and one that a gentleman can never tell, except of course to fellow gentleman, barmen, and disinterested dinner guests once the Gin and Tonics begin to take their saintly toll. All I can say is beware. Providing of course that one has not hardened one’s heart to follow the noble Way of the Cad, Tweed can be a dangerous substance ladies and gentleman, use it with a sense of awe and caution.

A Family In Various Tweed

The Small Child Here Is Plainly Overjoyed At Being Allowed To Don A Tweed Cap. The Adults, Plainly Have Not Had Nearly Enough Gin.

4. Famous Fellows of Tweed: I as a Gentleman and a Radical would appreciate and applaud any lady who dared to wear the Holy Cloth and pull it off with the required flair, but one cannot help but acknowledge that for better or worse society, and perhaps even the Creator Him/Herself, has dictated that Tweed be the preserve of males. This uncomfortable example of blatant patriarchy aside, here are some distinguished and celebrated gentleman who have worn, and even continue to wear, the holy fabric of Tweed.

Sherlock Holmes: The Great Detective of Baker Street. It is perhaps not too careless an assumption to make that Tweed gave Mr Holmes his famous powers of deduction. Without it he would have been just another gnarled opium fiend huddled in a small East End flat, relying on the charity of his estranged family and friends.

A Humorous Juxtaposition of Sherlock Holmes Silhouettes and No Smoking Signage

Doctor Who: Several iterations of the Time Lord have clad themselves in Tweed, hinting perhaps at the high status of Tweed in the highly advanced Gallifreyan society. Also, it is almost impossible to imagine how a man, with neither sophisticated facial hair or any real social skills, could lure so many unwitting women into a small police box without the roguish influence of Tweed on his side.

Edward the Eighth: Before he gave up the throne of the Empire for the hand of a charming American divorcee, Crown Prince Edward was quite the Womaniser. Like one of his more modern contemporaries, our dear Eddy cut a swathe through the British social scene between the wars. While we are not entirely sure whether Crown Prince Edward did indeed wear Tweed on a regular basis, one must ask ourselves the familiar refrain, how could a gangly man, with a comparatively weak jawline, penchant for Nazism, and constant outbursts of racism, curry such favours among the ladyfolk without Tweed’s miraculous influence?

Edward VIII and Mustafa Chilling Like Villains

Edward Meets Reluctantly With Godless Foreigner in Turkey 1936. Edward Prefers To Stare Blankly At His Hat Then Speak With Ataturk, a Moderniser, Dictator and Snappy Dresser.

In conclusion I believe that Tweed and Gin form the most holiest of Sacraments. It is only from these two substances, adding perhaps fine shoes, a sense of effete detachment and a suitable hat, that we as humans can gain any sort of meaning from this absurd reality in which we find ourselves. I have said my piece, paid my dues time after time, so now, I fear, the onus is on you, to absorb Tweed into your everyday life. A grassroots Tweed Revolution. To topple your Tweed hostile governments. To make denim history.

Beards In Battle

Beards In Battle

Displayed are a selection of the most spectacular and prominent beards of the US Civil War, stemming from a series of collectible cards that circulated during the period.

The beard once took a central role in the definition of masculinity and society. Now relegated to the dust-bin of history by the crass dictatorship, the restoration of the beard remains the only positive feature of many reactionary ideologies.

Thank you to Mr Phineas X Jones of Chicago for the fine reproduction, blessed with both great artistic skill and an impressive name.